Dear Peyton,

Dear Peyton,
I feel like I say it all the time, but time is flying by. How can you be turning 2 tomorrow?? I re-read the other letters I have written to you on the night before your birthdays, and I can't believe how fast time is going! This year has been difficult for us. There has been grief and sadness, but there has been so much to be thankful for too. You are such an amazing toddler. I know most Mom's brag on their kids, but you truly are exceptional. You have such a caring heart and I can't tell you how many people have commented on how loving you are and that a smile and a hug from you can change their day.
You are definitely a Mommy's girl and I love it. I love the time we spend snuggled in bed watching Mickey or Elmo on the iPad  or reading a book. You talk all the time and right now are a little recorder to everything you hear. I  have had to start watching my language around you, because anything I say is bound to come out of your mouth. Your teachers say that you have a very advanced vocabulary and are starting to use full sentences. And I can't even describe the joy of hearing you come around the corner asking, "What's Happening?" in a very Asian accent. :)
 You are so smart and know many of your colors, we are working on counting to 10, you know all family members by name and are starting to be able to carry a conversation on the phone. We call Nana, Aunt Jilly, and Aunt Chrissy (Criggy) constantly so you can talk.
You don't have one favorite animal or book right now, as your favorite pretty much changes daily.
For the last 2 weeks I have told you that your birthday is coming up and if I ask you how old you will be you will proudly answer TWO! But last week I told you that it would also be my birthday soon and now if I ask you how old you will be on your birthday, there is a chance that you will say "P 29 and Mommy 2!" and smile like you know you are making a joke.
You bring so much joy and laughter to my life, I am so proud to be your Mom! This next year will bring many changes, but we are an unbreakable team and I can't wait to experience this adventure together.
I love you to the moon and back!
Love,
Mommy

I have been dreading this post, I actually have several posts lined up and ready to hit publish, but I just can't go forward until I address what is happening in our lives right now. It pains my heart to type the next sentence.

Ethan and I are getting a divorce. 

There I said it... the ugly D-word. This is nothing that was ever part of the plan, it was never something I even thought was a possibility, but such is life and this is my reality.
I started this blog to document the life of Peyton and our family. I debated whether or not to address this is such a forum, but this is our life and just another aspect that should be documented for Peyton. I want one day for her to be able to read the books that this blog has become and know that she was conceived into a happy, loving marriage by two people who love her tremendously. And that even if her family is changing she is still completely surrounded by people who love her and will always be there for her.
I would love to be able to fix what has been broken and find a way to be the family of 3, I so desperately dream of, but this is just not the case. I never signed up to be a single parent, but I will do everything in my power to be everything Peyton ever needs. I will rise from this a better parent, because she makes me better everyday. I think becoming a parent changes you completely, you learn the definition of selflessness. Because no matter how hurt I am, I would do anything to keep my sweet girl from feeling an ounce of sadness.

I don't even know where or how to begin the next chapter of my life. I feel powerless to the changes as they come. But this will not be the act that defines my life, I will pull myself back together by any means that I can and try to proceed with a grace that I have always striven for.

For now, you just keep going, you smile when you feel tears start to fall, you call Jill at all hours of the day to remind you just how strong you are, you laugh with friends at work when you don't think you ever will again, you lean on family when you not sure you remember how to stand, and you allow your heart to heal with the 4 best words I've ever heard, "Mommy, I love you."